Why I am not a Calvinist.

How do I fight Calvinism? Well... Before I learned about the Orthodox Position, I fought Calvinism First and Foremost, with my own Experience.
I Fought it by saying that Calvinism portrays a picture of God that I cannot worship. It is a picture that does not match up with the experience (however Limited) I have had of God and his relationship to me. I do not see a grand puppetmaster in the sky dictating my every move. If this were true, he would be responsible for my sin, and the condition of my heart. This is obviously not the case, But lets get back to my experience of him. I see God as willing to love me no matter what. Willing to continue to attempt to draw me closer to him, despite all my failures. I see a God that seeks to fill me with his light and his spirit, and give me peace. A peace that cannot be explained. I see a God who wants to appease the spiritual anguish within me that threatens to consume my every move. I see a God who continues to give me a clean slate, as long as I turn to him, and love him. I see a God I want to be with, and worship with all my heart.

Calvinism would also seek to say that children are evil from birth. Despicable Children of darkness, guilty of the Original sins of Adam before they were even a thought. This is contrary to Jesus' analysis of children, and it is contrary to mine. Jesus said children are beautiful. They are the softest soil in the church. They respond to light and truth so quickly because they have not been corrupted by the world, not because they are more knowledgeable of their own sin. That is a lie, and Jesus says it himself. Why do you think atrocities to children are the most despicable, even in our own desensitized society? It is because we, even after the corruption of time, see the purity in children. A purity that cannot be denied. We all know that they are predisposed to sin, because of the sinful world they are born into, but to say they are evil is contrary to my own experience. You tell me one prophet of God that has said children are evil, and I'll tell you One that has said the opposite. In fact, God himself said otherwise. Children are beautiful, and they are NOT vessels of Wrath.

Back to the main point: I see God as unending love. I see him as the Source of all passion, light, and everything that is good. I see him as a God who has done all he can to reveal himself to us. That is how I have experienced him, and that is how I see him.

The second Reason I refuse to belief in Calvinism is because it makes God Imminent. It makes God Understandable to us. The fact is that God is incomprehensible to us. He doesn't make sense, but he has done all he can to reveal himself to us. And that revelation is beyond reason. That revelation is beyond comprehension. That revelation comes by faith alone. Faith begins where Reason leaves off, and all Calvinism gives is a reasonable God. It requires No faith to believe in a God who is in control of everything.

The third reason I am not a Calvinist is because I believe I am radically free. Free to choose him or Reject him. Free to have faith or to live in despair, trusting a finite intellect. I do not need a framework that limits God to working only within the boundaries of our own understanding. God works in mysterious ways. Where is the mystery in Calvinism? It doesn't exist. Everything is explained. Personally, I do not know God, as every Calvinist does. I am, and ever shall be "coming to know him more", as long as I draw nearer to him in faith.

Besides, Why would God create a world he had on strings? Why would he want a bunch of robots doing exactly what he planned and ordained for them to do? There is no freedom in that. If Calvinism were Correct, God would have, before the creation of the world, ordained that I would think these thoughts, and say these specific things about him. Where is the Joy and love in that? Does God love me and his vessels of wrath as a toymaker loves his toys? Good to play with, but really just mimicking everything I have programmed them to do? No, that makes God imminent, and makes him very easy to comprehend. That is wrong.

Ask anyone who believes in Jesus as the son of God of their experience of him, and they will tell you the same thing. They will not talk about how some preacher made them feel convicted of their sin. They always feel that conviction. What truly lies at the bottom of all of us is spiritual anguish. A pain that can be soothed but never goes away. They will speak not about their sin, but about the love of God, and what he has done in their life. If they had no Father, they will talk about how God Came along side of them, and was their father. If they had no Friend, they will talk about how God became the best friend they Ever had. If they were sick of worshiping things that did not fulfill them, They would talk about how God has been someone they can worship with all their hearts, because of his unending love for them. They would talk about how the sickness and guilt they had when they were living in darkness was replaced with his light and love. They will talk about his beauty. Not that the fact that their sins have been forgiven was not important, its just that in drawing closer to him, we logically move further away from the sin that paralyzed us. Jesus has made a bridge, wiped us clean, and trampled under foot the devil that has again and again barred us from drawing near to God.

What Orthodoxy has given me is a theology that matches up with my experience of God. That picture of God is beautiful, and complete... Yet at the same time it leaves room for the things we cannot explain, and the things God has not yet revealed to us.

For example, In regards to Original sin, Orthodoxy takes me back to Genesis. When God told Adam not to eat from from the tree, He did not say " If you eat this, I will Kill you". He said, "If you eat this, You will surely die". This is Important because it shows something very different about what is going on here. We must think of the tree of life as the life giving light and spirit that proceeds from God, and that by turning away from the source of life, which is God, Adam would surely die. The life that was in him left him, because he left it. He turned to his own knowledge. He turned to his own wisdom. By leaving God, his light and his presence, He died. God was not angry with him. He wept over him. He wept because Adam, the Image bearer he created, had left him for something else. He sought pleasure apart from God.

Of course this is a crude makeup of a much better argument, but it still serves it's purpose. We are born sinless, yet we are born into a sinful world, distorted by darkness. Because of this, we each make the decision to follow Adam. Yet God offers us Jesus, and offers us a way back to his spirit, and his life everlasting.

I AM NOT A CALVINIST, and will will never be one. God is just too beautiful to make him follow my rules. In fact, I will CHOOSE to follow his.

Thank you